ch ch ch changes...

No need to turn and face the strange, I just figured it was time to fill you in on some missing pieces.
Ron got me started blogging. I have known him for a little over 2 years. We were mostly fuck buddies until this past spring. I always considered him a friend of mine, and loved him as such. He was in the military and traveled, and called sometimes when he came into town. This past spring he started calling more. He told me his dark secrets and of the fear he had about Karma paying him back. I detailed my opinions about his role in this universe, and that only malicious intent would receive the paybacks he feared. I told him that good can totally kick hate's ass. I told him that unconditional love does exist, and that he had that with me. We seemed to be building on our relationship. In May, he showed up at my house, (I hadn't seen him since January) broken and sick, in need of a safe haven. I am constantly working to maintain a peaceful balance in my life, so it came as no surprise to me that he found solace in my home.
Then he told me he found out that he has cancer. In his stomach. He didn't want to do chemo or have to worry about drinking teas or making poultices on a regimented schedule. I researched stomach cancer, and the prognosis was not good.
Fuck. This was my friend. I prayed for him while he was in Iraq, and cried when i got the email that said he'd been shot, and was missing...inherently, I knew he wasn't dead. It was in my gut. I just knew he was alive. Of course he was.
He admitted that he is an addict and that he had a plan to quit. He had been praying to God for the past 10 years, to let him die, and now that he was looking his own immortality in the face, he decided on life. I told him that nothing is insurmountable. and I believe that. He blamed the addiction on the military, saying that they patched him up just to send him back out, and now that he is out (immediate disability because of the cancer) they don't patch him up anymore. He said that he wanted to be a productive member of society. To have a 9-5 job and be in a relationship. And wanted to do all of this with me.
I told him my secrets. They weren't pretty, and I had to get drunk to do it...but if he could tell me, then I could tell him.
There is so much more.
Although we slept in the same bed, we never had sex. He was sick and broken. I didn't give it a second thought.
While I was in Honduras, he decided that he loved me, and told me so, when I finally got to a phone.
We were going to take a trip together...just outside Yosemite. Camping, fishing, the whole nine yards.
Then it started to unravel.
He had joint custody of his neice--with his sister. Oops, the neice is really his daughter.
He got arrested because the computer program he purchased, mysteriously had an extra chip in the package (which he didn't put there, of course...but they do have a video of a tall guy with glasses putting something in that box)
Forged my signature, etc. and sent in a pre-approved credit card application.
A friend of mine stayed at the house with him while I was gone, and Ron told me that things were missing...(of course it was a set up for my homecoming)
When I got home from being gone a month, I barely got a peck on the lips.
We watched the video of his wedding (to the woman he says is dead..)
The next morning I figured out another lie on my own. he made a bracelet out of some glass beads I had, and then said some other stuff dropped and broke and he used those too...well, my brother got me this necklace in Isreal, and pieces of it were in the bracelet. No way they could have fallen apart.

While he slept, I looked around. Another credit card that I didn't apply for( both cards charged on)Checks that he had written to himself, and signed my name to. And proof that he wasn't even in Iraq in September--so he was never shot there, or lost. He was married to his daughter's mom. He doesn't own any condo in Dallas. My computer was trashed. All parted out and inoperable. All my DVDs were gone (which he blamed on my friend) My good California wine, that I carted back here..depleted. My cordless screwdriver and socket set--gone.
Can't find my grandmother's turquoise ring, either. ( I thought my pearls were gone, but I've since found them)
My best friend talked me into calling the police. Screaming on the phone, long distance from Oklahoma...she explained over and over to me, that this just is not right. The thought never occurred to me that there was no rational explanation for all these things-that Ron had lied and stolen from me. I didn't want to call, because an accusation of this caliber could have serious reprocutions (how do you spell that?) on his life. Nevertheless, I called. They came. He offered to leave without even being asked. cool as a clam. Off he went, and there I was.
He doesn't even have cancer. Of course he never loved me.
I am still struggling with this. My patience is thin. My friend is pissed because I don't want to go innertubing with a bunch of couples (I already paid the deposit for Ron and I to go) . I don't have the money he owes me (I know I'll never see it), and I still have to pay my homeowner's and car insurance.
I know that I am worthy of good things, and even capable of loving someone else.
I just feel sad. I don't want him, obviously. I can't even begin to tell you how his deception has torn me. I don't hate, or even wonder "why me".
And on top of all that...the guy who dumped me last year, keeps calling, as does my FBI guy, and my insurance agent. NOW they want me? Ron's lies are more than I can overcome today. I can't even begin to entertain intimacy. Nor can I seem to find protection. I don't feel physically threatened, but more unable to protect my own innards. All of that, and in the same head that those thoughts run around in, I know that his betrayal--albiet severe--cannot run my life.
I have been guarded in my posts in the past, because I didn't want to tell too many of anyone else's secrets. I haven't posted much lately for obvious reasons, and also because I have entertained the idea of just dropping this blog and starting fresh someplace else. Fuck you Ron Arlt mess. Read this and think and do whatever you want with it. I do not hate him and I am not mad at him, he controls no aspect of my life. I can see his cowardice, and understand how lonely his life must be.

I'm looking forward to future candor with you all. AND I am going to hire somebody to tutor me on the photo thing.

Did you know that Namaste means "I honor the Spirit in you, which is also in me" ?

Alert the media...I have figured out how to post pictures...